Talking To Other People About Money & Financial Independence
Unfortunately money is just one of those taboo topics that most people don’t want to talk about. It doesn’t matter whether the discussion is amongst co-workers, close friends, family, or even our partners; the subject of money is usually completely off-limits.
So with us being a couple of personal finance bloggers ourselves, you might wonder if it’s any different for us – do we actively talk to others about money, do we espouse the benefits of staying out of debt & growing wealth, or do we shy away from this topic just like the general public does?
Scout
I love personal finance, especially Financial Independence and could easily talk nonstop about it with anyone if given the chance. I used to be very vocal about it, but nowadays I’ve taken a more laid-back approach. This doesn’t mean that I care any less, rather it means that I’ve learned to be more astute.
Nobody Cares
I grew up in a household that was neutral about money – money wasn’t emphasized in either an overly positive or overly negative way, my parents never argued over money, it just wasn’t a topic that was ever discussed. When I learned about personal finance & investing early in my working career and about how powerful it could be, it felt like my eyes were opened to a whole new world that I never knew existed. My excitement grew & grew as I continued to self-educate myself and make changes in my own life.
Of course I wanted to share all of this life-changing information with my friends & family.
But of course, nobody cared.
Apparently most people in their mid-to-late 20’s care more about things like partying, buying fancy clothes, taking lavish vacations, buying nice cars, etc. Nobody wants to hear about paying off debt, being frugal, saving, and investing for the (seemingly) distant future.
Ultimately disheartened, I shrank back into my shell and continued on my financial journey alone.
On occasion there would be situations where co-workers or friends would mention personal finance or investing. I would always chime-in excitedly, but these were fleeting encounters. From past experience I had already learned to not say much, because I didn’t want to scare anyone away and/or sound too overbearing.
Still Nobody Cares
I continued on this invariable and lonesome financial journey for another decade or so until I stumbled across the FIRE movement in 2018. Learning about this community felt like a secret life-hack had been revealed and it took my interest & understanding of personal finance & investing up a notch.
Although I had been excited before, I was now even more excited to share with anyone & everyone!
But once again, nobody cared.
At least this time I fully expected it. I fully expected this message of financial freedom to fall on deaf ears because similar to people in their mid-to-late 20’s, people in their now mid-to-late 30’s behaved the exact same way (well, maybe except for a little less partying). Most of my peers were still spending mindlessly on unnecessary trinkets and not bothering to plan or even think much about the future.
By this time I had fully come to accept that not many people like to talk about money. For some reason it is a taboo subject, even though it has such a big impact in our lives. Perhaps it’s because some people are ashamed about their lack of knowledge, perhaps it’s because other people have had past money trauma in their lives, or perhaps it’s just because people don’t realize what a powerful tool money can be if utilized properly.
Regardless of cause, I was still interested in conversations about money and really wanted to help others if I could, but from past experience I also knew that I needed to be realistic.
Self-Serve
Like many of us in this community, especially early-on, there have been many times that I’ve wanted to be a “FI prophet” or a “FI missionary”, wanting to spread the word of good financial health to the masses. I’ve also wanted to be a pusher, not of drugs or any illicit activities, but of financial knowledge.
However, I know that neither of these roles will ultimately be effective so I’ve adopted what I like to call “the self-service” model. I’ve fully embraced an attitude of laissez faire, meaning that I let things take their own course without interfering. I plan to live my own life and focus on it, while letting others live their own lives without me being meddlesome.
My thought is that instead of actively “preaching” at someone, I can instead lead by example. My hope is that I can live an interesting-enough life that others will take notice and some will eventually want to ask about it. Once someone comes to me of their own free will, I take that as a sign that they are ready & willing to talk.
As the old saying goes “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink”. I’ve found this to be true in all aspects of life, especially when it comes to talking about money.
The Squire
Learning about personal finance and finally implementing changes in my own life may have taken awhile, but it has made a difference in a big way. My stress level has gone down, I pay more attention to the present, and am more excited to plan for the future. Money is a powerful tool that has helped improve my family’s life.
I’ve discovered valuable information that could potentially help with the lives of most people I know.
Surely I Can Help
Do I want other people to learn about personal finance and plan for a potentially better future? Yes! I want others to be able to learn enough basics about personal finance to at least start to make positive differences in their lives.
I decided early on that if I can figure out a little bit about each person, I should be able to find the perfect article or blog post or video that would connect just perfectly with them. Once this happens, then they will somehow just ”get it”. They will understand how the market works, invest a little more each year, become financially independent potentially before 65… and live happily ever after.
My Evolving Approach
It’s hard for me to give up on something that I think could help someone’s life, but I also haven’t had the best results with this particular endeavor, so over the years I’ve modified how I introduce and dive into the topic of personal finance. As I had considered from the beginning, each individual has different thoughts about money, but people are much less interested in discussing the subject, so I’ve changed my approach over time.
Direct Doesn’t Tend to Work
I enjoy sharing my interests with friends and family and even with some coworkers. So when I started making meaningful money discoveries and actual changes in my own life more than a decade ago, I went up to friends and family and shared about what I was learning, encouraging them to follow my path. For the most part, it didn’t work.
Some family and close friends were happy to listen to me, and even ask a few questions, though usually just to be nice. But nobody was interested in taking time to learn all about how the market works, how retirement accounts work, let alone what becoming financially independent means. Because some people know of my interest, I do sometimes get ideas and questions asked of me when thoughts about personal finance come up.
However, for the most part, people get too overwhelmed with my excitement, and it kind of backfires. It turns out that just because I read from and listen to individuals who feel comfortable talking about money, it’s by no means an indicator that other people are interested in it.
Getting Personal
I decided that although sharing full solutions from money experts was very overwhelming and not interesting for most people, maybe they would be willing to listen and get some inspiration from my journey.
I wouldn’t discuss my money details, but I tried approaches walking through my money story in a general way. I might say something like, “I invested little to nothing early in my career. I learned through books, podcasts and a friend about investing more money into low cost index funds, and it has changed my life. I now feel more confident about money, and I’m investing more and seeing the money grow in a way that I may reach Financial Independence before I reach 65. I’d be happy to share more if you’re interested.”
You guessed it, awkward silence would typically follow.
Although I tried this approach with several people, and some people would listen to me and even sometimes ask for books and podcasts, I think this was mostly to be nice, I would very rarely hear further questions or comments from them going forward.
Looking back, I think there are several reasons that this hasn’t worked for me… here are just a few that might apply:
- They never asked. I would tend to bring the subject up in random situations where they may feel obligated to listen and reply.
- They aren’t interested. Investing is the last thing on most peoples’ minds. Sure they need more money, but they need 100% of it to pay for improvements or it just doesn’t feel relevant to many people.
- They are uncomfortable. Money is not easy for most people to talk about, and when someone brings it up randomly, it can trigger a similar response to talking about global warming.
- Bad timing. I think that sometimes people are interested in discussing personal finances, but I picked a bad time to discuss it.
- The words I’m using don’t make sense. Just because I understand terms like “invest” and “index fund” and “Financial Independence”, doesn’t mean that the person I’m talking with does. It’s a foreign language that they are probably not interested in learning about at the time, especially from me.
- I’m a horrible salesperson. Many times when there is a pause in the conversation I may mistake it for a lack of interest, when in reality they may be taking time to think through the conversation. So I will sometimes be quick to change the subject.
So although sometimes people will want to discuss the subject briefly, or even write the name of a book or podcast down, it’s been pretty rare that this type of conversation goes much further.
The Why Matters
For the reasons listed above, I am currently trying a new approach. I am trying to only discuss the subject when it is being talked about, or as it relates to a topic at hand. I’m trying to only dive into the subject as much or as little as interests the person I’m talking with.
For example, when there is going to be a presentation at work from a financial advisor, I might ask someone if they’re going to attend… but I may ask out loud so others can hear. If they ask me if I’ll attend, I might say something like “yes, actually I’ve learned a lot recently about finances and have been making some changes to my investments, but there is so much more to learn, and I’m really interested in the subject.”
Also back at work, if I hear someone mention the subject of our retirement account, I might meander over and insert myself in the conversation. However, I will try to restrict myself to talk about the subject at hand, and not start talking about Financial Independence. Rather than talk for several minutes, I try to keep my contribution limited and to the point, without using finance terms.
Lately I find myself bringing up the subject of vacations with people. This usually doesn’t include much talk about investing, but some of it might be implied. I might ask someone if they’re taking any vacations with their kids this summer. If they say yes, I ask about their plans, but also talk about how I’m trying to spend money on more experiences and less stuff. The kids are growing so fast and I want to make sure that we have quality time with them while they want to spend time with us and while we’re in decent physical shape. Credit card rewards may or may not come up.
I try to come up with simple thoughts, and I try to keep it personal and not too general, to see if that can be more engaging with people.
Mixed Results
Although most people are not interested in talking about personal finance, I can say I’ve had a little bit of success having short, money related conversations about subjects that matter to people.
Keeping conversations short and to the point has actually caused some people to bring the subject up to me in future conversations. Although I want to be a resource for others, even more I am trying to help others realize that I’m in their corner rooting them along their financial journey.
Talking about money with others is something that I’m continuing to evolve. The frequency of these conversations have gone down, but I will continue to modify my approach to others, and I am hopeful that I can help others improve on their financial well-being, even if my success rate is fairly low.
Links/Resources
Reader Questions
- Have you ever tried talking to someone outside of the FI community about money, personal finance, or Financial Independence? If so, what was the experience like?
Leave your answers or comments below – or email us directly at info@epicfinancialjourney.com