When Being “Enough” is Enough

In the personal finance space there is a lot of discussion around the concept of “enough”.  Specifically within the FI community “enough” is typically centered around the point in life where someone has everything they need to be happy while simultaneously having no desire to continue needlessly pursuing more & MORE & MORE.

When I hear the term “enough” being used, almost every single time it’s in relation to money.  But this has made me wonder, can this concept also apply to other areas of life?  Besides finances, are there additional areas where I’m happy with my current situation or do I still feel a need to keep striving for more?

This is definitely a difficult topic for me to think through because I’m a (self-proclaimed) hardworker & overachiever by nature.  I’ve also been trained through both my education & career in engineering to continuously excel & look for the best solutions.  Plus, being a part of the FI community, where seemingly everyone is an optimizer/maximizer, has done absolutely nothing to quell this mindset. 

Having said this, there are a few different areas in my life where I’ve found my “enough” and have become completely comfortable with it: career, parenting, and as a content creator in the FI community.

Career

Everyone wants to move up the career ladder, right?  I mean, isn’t going from “Individual Contributor” to “Manager” to “Vice President” or even “CEO” the ideal career progression that all employees strive for?  I definitely possessed this line of thinking throughout my childhood.  I thought that to be considered successful I would have to work harder & harder and continuously take on more important roles.

So I was a little confused one day when I overheard my dad mention that a younger, less-experienced co-worker had just been promoted to manager.  I asked my dad if he was mad about being passed over for the position, but to my surprise he said that he was comfortable in his current spot and never wanted to be in a leadership role.  I was shocked because this went against everything I had previously believed about having a “successful career”.  Not that I necessarily thought my dad was lazy, rather I was just flummoxed by his sentiment.

When I entered the workforce myself many years later I immediately put my nose to the grindstone.  I had so much ambition & energy at the time and wanted to build a “successful career” right out of the gate.  Similar to what I had experienced with my dad growing up, I saw older co-workers who didn’t seem to care much about their jobs.  Instead of working overtime like me, they would put in their minimum 8 hours and head home.  Instead of rushing around constantly trying to accomplish as much as possible, they would take their sweet time and say things like “don’t worry, the work will still be here tomorrow”.  

I was once again baffled by this sentiment because it went against everything I held true about having a “successful career” and being a good employee.

But then eventually over the years my own views & attitude towards work started to slowly change…

While I started my career strong, collecting raises & procuring positive reviews from superiors along the way, I soon noticed that I was putting too much effort into my job.  I was so focused on trying to be a good employee that my personal life suffered, especially when it came to relationships.  The quality of the relationship with one of my best friends slowly faded away because whenever he invited me to hang out, I was always “busy with work”.  When I had kids, I was rarely able to spend time with them because of work commitments.  In fact, I would come home just in time for dinner each night, have a couple hours free time with my family, and then my own kids would tuck me into bed so I could get up early the next morning to do it all again!

I also came to realize that the relationship I had with my employers was a dysfunctional one and not based in reality.  I initially viewed this employer/employee relationship as a mutually beneficial partnership where I would do my best to help achieve company goals and in-turn be rewarded, not only monetarily, but perhaps more importantly by being provided an environment to grow my skills, help other people, and make an impact in the world.  

Well, this line of thinking quickly lost its lustre as I started to experience multiple rounds of layoffs throughout my career.  Luckily I was never let go myself, but I saw the devastation amongst so many of my co-workers.  I came to the realization that most employers don’t really care about their employees – EVERYONE is expendable and can easily be replaced by someone new (sometimes at a moment’s notice).  It’s funny to think that so many people sacrifice so much for their employer and would do anything for their company, yet at the end of the day it’s really just a sad, one-way broken relationship.

After going through these painful experiences, it hit me that the idealized career path that I had been pursuing this entire time wasn’t really worth it.  I finally started to understand the attitude towards work that both my dad and my older co-workers held – work was just one part of life, but it shouldn’t be everything nor the most important thing.

This new outlook continued to cement itself in my mind over the tail end of my career, especially after I discovered the concept of Financial Independence.  Although I continued to work hard because I’d been trained that way and also had that natural mindset, I started viewing work as just a means to an end, as just a conduit for me to earn money so that I could focus on other more important areas of life.

Parenting

Most people who have kids want to be great parents, myself included.  But what does this even mean?  The answer to this question is tough because it’s so subjective and at the same time it’s highly personal and will vary from family to family.  Some characteristics of a great parent that come to my mind are being present, showing patience, offering unconditional love & support, teaching responsibility & respect, and providing a secure environment for children to learn & grow.

Even before my first child was born I wanted to be the best father I could for her.  So what did I do to help me prepare?  Similar to how I started learning about personal finance & investing, I hit the books of course!  I mean, what else would you expect from an engineer/money nerd?  Hahaha.  I read as many parenting books as I could leading up to the day my daughter was born, hoping that I could nail fatherhood perfectly.  Little did I know that taking care of a baby’s physical needs (i.e. feeding, changing diapers, etc) would actually be the easy part of parenting and that it would get much tougher as my kids aged…

Observing other parents and all that they did for their kids, it made me want to copy them.  From always playing at the park to providing endless educational opportunities to supporting their hobbies & sports interests, etc, I wanted to do it all because I felt like I HAD to do all these things in order to be a good father.  It was strange because I always felt pressure to “Keep up with the Joneses” in terms of parenting.

What made things even more difficult was that not only was I comparing myself to other parents, but the specific needs of my own kids were constantly changing.  When each of my kids were babies I obviously had to care for them physically, but as they’ve grown it’s been more of a support role and a shift to helping them mentally by working through different issues together.

Throughout this entire time I’ve constantly struggled & worried about whether or not I was doing a good job and how I compared to other parents.  But more recently I’ve abandoned this notion that I need to be the “best parent in the world” and have instead shifted my mindset to becoming the “best parent I can be for MY children”.  To me this has meant chasing less of all the flashy bells & whistles of parenting to simply focusing on being present & available for my kids at all times.  When they need something, I’ll be there to help.  When they have a question, I’ll be there to answer.

Building a quality, long-term relationship with my kids is now my most important goal as a parent.

Content Creator

I want to help others.

I want to help others with their money.

This is one of the main reasons The Squire & I started this blog.  (Just so I don’t leave anyone hanging, the other reason was as an excuse to hang out more & continue building our friendship).

Although helping others has always been my primary objective, I thought it would also be fun & exciting to build a community around what we’re doing here at Epic Financial Journey.  Acknowledging that everyone has a unique financial journey and that specific voices resonate more clearly amongst different people, I always hoped that at least a few others would find the writing of The Squire or I totally relatable.

While I’m not as revolutionary as Mr. Money Mustache, not even remotely smart as someone like Big ERN or Frank Vasquez, and nowhere near as cool as Paula Pant, I feel like I still have a lot to contribute to the FI community.  I have my own unique financial experiences to share along with what I’ve learned throughout the past couple decades about money, personal finance, investing, and Financial Independence.

I’ve always thought it would be cool to grow this brand, so that we can connect more & more people together and also feel like we’re making a difference.  And I’m not going to lie, in a purely self-absorbed way, it would be undisputedly cool to be a well-known figure in the FI community (where I already feel like one of the biggest “frugal weirdos” anyways).

Well, after almost 2 years of being a content creator in the Financial Independence space, we’re still working hard to build our community.  And while I still have big dreams & goals for EFJ becoming a huge success, I’ve also come to peace with the fact that we may never get there; and that’s okay with me.  

I constantly remind myself about the “Tale of the Starfish Thrower”.  For those who are unfamiliar: A man sees a boy throwing stranded starfish into the ocean, but tells the boy he can’t possibly make a difference due to the sheer number on the beach.  But the boy replies that he still made a difference to the single starfish he just threw back into the water.  This inspires the man to join-in and realize that individual actions do matter, even if it can’t solve the whole problem.  While large-scale reach is important, helping just one starfish is still very meaningful.

Similarly, I want to be a starfish thrower.  Even if I only help one person, that is more than enough for me.

Links/Resources

• Vicki Robin, “Your Enough Point”
• Definition of “Maximization”
• Wikipedia, “Keeping up with the Joneses”
• Mr. Money Mustache
• Big ERN/Early Retirement Now
• Frank Vasquez/Risk Parity Radio
• Paula Pant/Afford Anything
• “Tale of the Starfish Thrower”

Reader Questions

• Besides finances, are there any areas of your life where you’ve found your own “enough”?

Leave your answers or comments below – or email us directly at info@epicfinancialjourney.com